Cookies and Milk

While cruising Twitter the other day, I stumbled on a link to an article on pairing Girl Scout cookies with different kinds of bourbon.  That seemed like a fine way to spend five grand worth of cash and calories, but it occurred to me that since I don't have a bottle of 20 year old Pappy Van Winkle hanging around, there might be cheaper beverages I could choose to quaff with my Thin Mints. After a quick online search of “Girl Scout cookie pairings” I learned that the internets were way ahead of me on this, and someone, somewhere has already paired Girl Scout cookies with just about everything.

You can pair wine with Girl Scout cookies:
http://www.wineclubreviewsandratings.com/wine-and-food/pairing-wine-with-girl-scout-cookies

You can pair beer with Girl Scout cookies:
http://www.philly.com/philly/blogs/the-insider/Pairing-Girl-Scout-cookies-and-beer.html

(Even the Today show has some suggestions on that front: 
http://www.today.com/food/girl-scout-cookies-beer-heres-how-pair-them-1C9128693)

There’s an “adult beverage” pairing:
http://www.post-gazette.com/life/food/2014/02/27/Pairing-Girl-Scout-cookies-with-adult-beverages/stories/201402270103

And of course, the provacateur for this post, the Girl Scout and bourbon pairing: http://gobourbon.com/bourbon-girl-scout-cookie-pairings/

These are all fine, fine things indeed, but in all my five minutes of searching, I was surprised to see that no one had taken the time to do a Girl Scout cookie/milk pairing. (Internets, you’ve heard of drinking milk with cookies, right?) I feel it is my duty to right this wrong. In that vein, I present to you my simple guide to the best milk choices to go with your brightly colored box cookies of choice. Please, enjoy responsibly.

Thin Mints and ice cold 1% or 2% in a short glass. Thin Mints are rich but mentholated, which means that the lower fat milks have the right amount of creaminess without being too cloying. If you are eating the Thin Mints straight from the freezer – as you should – the ice cold milk is key to keeping things in the same temperature range so as not to shock the toungue. The short glass is to provide you an artificial stopping point: when the milk is gone, you can decide to control yourself or to fill up your glass and get the other sleeve.

Samoas and organic whole milk. Coconut, chocolate, and caramel are the stately, aristocratic flavors you’d find in a fine glass of port, so it’s only natural to go with the “fortified wine” of milks: whole. Organic milk will give you the grassy, barnyard notes that marry well with the slightly burnt, slightly sour caramel twang. Does this seem too rich? Imagine the creamy, fat-laden milk washing the coconut from between your back teeth, and you will not doubt that more richness is a good thing. Pace yourself, though – after the third Samoa, you may get cocky, but your tummy can’t handle the fourth one. Trust me.

Do Si Dos and homemade chocolate milk. Who needs a peanut butter cup when you can chomp on a crumbly peanut butter sandwich cookie and then swallow a glug of Hershey’s-syrup-laden milk? Just as a fine Cabernet does with steak, the cookie and the chocolate milk will have your palate anticipating a taste of the other. Save a sip of milk to savor last, though, or you’ll just have to go get another cookie and start over, and then you have to make more chocolate milk and it’s a whole thing.

Trefoil shortbreads and bourbon.  Plain shortbread cookies? These are really useless with anything but bourbon. Please see the parings above if you have some milk you don’t know what do with.

So what do you think, Dear Reader? What are your thoughts on the cookies not listed here and the milks they love? Discuss. Douchey wine-paring description words are welcome.